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Saturday, September 6, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Work Spouse
Today marks my one year anniversary with my work spouse and the one year I have been at my job. A work spouse is a damn good thing to have, and mine is particularly fabulous. A work spouse is much like a gay best friend, just minus the gay part. I think every work marriage is different but mine goes a little like this:
He tells me I look beautiful and he is one of the few people that I feel like truly means it. He's also pretty much the only guy I hear it from these days but when I come in sleepy and cranky, it feels damn good.
He knows I can be crazy, cranky, bitchy, needy but he loves me anyway.
He listens to me vent about everything - the boy I made out with over the weekend, the fight I got into with my friend, the stupid order sitting on my desk that I don't know what to do about.
He gives me great advice. Whether he's helping me solve a work related problem or explaining to me the fact that "boys don't like to talk. Never say to a boy that you need to talk or they will avoid seeing you. Ask him to hang out, get him in person, then lay it on him." Such a smart boy, my Work Spouse.
On our first date, M told me that WS had warned him "if you hurt her, I'll kill you... I'm serious." I let M know that in fact, WS was being completely serious.
It's WS that is there when I need a dollar for a redbull.
WS is there to walk down to the cafeteria when I don't want to go by myself.
WS is there to sit next to at the team meetings, team dinners, and team events.
WS is there to have in depth conversations about our favorite show, LOST.
And today, he brought me a rose for the one year we've been at the company:
And of course, I fulfill my duties as a work spouse as well.
I listen to WS talk about his on again, off again g/f.
I notice when he loses weight/has been working out and I tell him.
I made a sign for his cube just to make him smile.
I come by his desk and rub his head when he looks completely stress out.
Now that I think about it, it just might be the healthiest relationship I've ever had with a man.
He tells me I look beautiful and he is one of the few people that I feel like truly means it. He's also pretty much the only guy I hear it from these days but when I come in sleepy and cranky, it feels damn good.
He knows I can be crazy, cranky, bitchy, needy but he loves me anyway.
He listens to me vent about everything - the boy I made out with over the weekend, the fight I got into with my friend, the stupid order sitting on my desk that I don't know what to do about.
He gives me great advice. Whether he's helping me solve a work related problem or explaining to me the fact that "boys don't like to talk. Never say to a boy that you need to talk or they will avoid seeing you. Ask him to hang out, get him in person, then lay it on him." Such a smart boy, my Work Spouse.
On our first date, M told me that WS had warned him "if you hurt her, I'll kill you... I'm serious." I let M know that in fact, WS was being completely serious.
It's WS that is there when I need a dollar for a redbull.
WS is there to walk down to the cafeteria when I don't want to go by myself.
WS is there to sit next to at the team meetings, team dinners, and team events.
WS is there to have in depth conversations about our favorite show, LOST.
And today, he brought me a rose for the one year we've been at the company:
And of course, I fulfill my duties as a work spouse as well.
I listen to WS talk about his on again, off again g/f.
I notice when he loses weight/has been working out and I tell him.
I made a sign for his cube just to make him smile.
I come by his desk and rub his head when he looks completely stress out.
Now that I think about it, it just might be the healthiest relationship I've ever had with a man.
Monday, July 14, 2008
I Don't Want to Know the Lover at My Door, It's Just Another Heartache on my List
I cried a little today. Okay, I'm a baby. But I'm mad and I'm sad and I'm throwing myself a pity party.
I don't even really like M... I liked the attention, I liked who I thought he was. But who he turned out to be, no I don't like. So, why do I care if he is still interested in me or not? I shouldn't but I do.
I went to work today knowing it would be weird/awkward/uncomfortable or all of the above. Well, he starts off the day asking "are you still mad at me?"
"I wouldn't say I'm mad at you, I wasn't really even mad on Friday, mad just isn't the word.. however, now isn't the time to talk about it."
If he really cared, he wouldn't have asked me that on Monday morning at work, through IM.
He ignored me most of the day and I did the same.
And it's not about HIM, it's about the fact that this ALWAYS happens to me. It makes me want to never give another guy a chance because it always ends up the same. And we were FRIENDS, I really did think he liked me at first because he knew me at least somewhat. But I was wrong, he didn't like me, he was looking for a rebound. I knew it and thats why I didn't really want to go out with him in the first place.
The worst part is that he is not worth my time, my thoughts, or my energy, yet here I am feeling shitty about myself. It just doesn't seem right.
Can someone pleaseeeee teach me to have some thicker skin when it comes to dating!?!?
I don't even really like M... I liked the attention, I liked who I thought he was. But who he turned out to be, no I don't like. So, why do I care if he is still interested in me or not? I shouldn't but I do.
I went to work today knowing it would be weird/awkward/uncomfortable or all of the above. Well, he starts off the day asking "are you still mad at me?"
"I wouldn't say I'm mad at you, I wasn't really even mad on Friday, mad just isn't the word.. however, now isn't the time to talk about it."
If he really cared, he wouldn't have asked me that on Monday morning at work, through IM.
He ignored me most of the day and I did the same.
And it's not about HIM, it's about the fact that this ALWAYS happens to me. It makes me want to never give another guy a chance because it always ends up the same. And we were FRIENDS, I really did think he liked me at first because he knew me at least somewhat. But I was wrong, he didn't like me, he was looking for a rebound. I knew it and thats why I didn't really want to go out with him in the first place.
The worst part is that he is not worth my time, my thoughts, or my energy, yet here I am feeling shitty about myself. It just doesn't seem right.
Can someone pleaseeeee teach me to have some thicker skin when it comes to dating!?!?
Saturday, July 12, 2008
And Another One Bites the Dust
Ahh.. dating, I loathe you. So I have not written in almost two weeks and that's annoying because a lot has been going on, particularly with the guy from work, M. So I guess now I have to go back to how the first date went. It was fun and comfortable. He cooked dinner and we talked for an hour or two and the conversation was easy. Then we went to watch a movie and he made his move lol. So we kissed and I was unsure how I felt about it. Did I like him like that? Are we better just friends? He's not Kevin. Yea, so many annoying thoughts. But by the end of the night, I felt comfortable cuddling and kissing him and knew I would want to hang out with him again if he wanted to. Although, I still wasn't sure how I felt about him and the whole working together deal.
The next day at work, he was coming on very strong and it freaked me out a bit. I have a tendency to push guys away when they are too into me. I guess someone who is confusing just intrigues me more. Anyways, that week he continued to call me consistently and was pretty obvious about his feelings. He was thoughtful and would surprise me with little things at my desk, such as a bagel for breakfast. By the end of the week, my feelings had grown and I was quite into him as well. We hung out on Thursday night after work and then spent the 4th of July together (saw fireworks together hehe).
However, things were different this week. It all started on Monday, when he broke our plans for what may have been a legitimate reason, however, I did not believe him. The way he told me, the way he didn't call that night, and the feeling I had in my gut, I just couldn't believe him but of course I did not say anything to him about it. I felt like he was being wishy washy, like he was interested but I felt like he was being lazy, like maybe the two weeks before was more of an act just to get me to fall for him. I began to feel by his actions and his words that maybe all he was after was sex. And I was not about to get myself into that kind of situation.
Yesterday, after he asked if I would be interested in fooling around in his car, which may have just been a joke but I was sick of those jokes, I needed to say something. Oh, and we have not fooled around at all yet and I thought I had been pretty clear that I am not like a casual hookup kind of girl. Anyways, I just got so bothered by it and I couldn't keep it in anymore. I said, "I think maybe all you want from me is sex." The way he handled it was horrendous. He was immature, insensitive, and defensive. His initial response was "I don't have time for your ridiculousness."
"Well, I don't think its ridiculous and you didn't even say I was wrong!"
"Don't have time.."
"Fine."
"If you want we can just stop talking.."
"Well, is all you want sex?"
"NO, why are you being weird"
"I'm not trying to be weird. I'm just saying that I know that I don't want a fuck buddy and if that is what you want or what you are looking for then I don't want to get myself into that situation."
He really made no attempt to try to reassure me that he was interested in getting to know me. Yes, he said "NO" when I asked if sex is all he wants but shoudn't he have had more to say about it? He acted like I was wrong for talking about what was bothering me. He reminded me of the way Kevin treated me. I know I should have ended that convo with I think we are done but I didn't. I actually have no idea where we stand but I guess it doesn't matter.
I'm just very disappointed, really. Here was a guy who I thought was my FRIEND. Who pursued me persistently and acted like he was really interested in ME. I thought he seemed very different from Kevin. I thought he seemed like someone who could be caring and thoughtful. But I don't think who he really is, lived up to my expectations. And its not that I have strong feelings for him or anything, but I am upset because it's ANOTHER disappointment. It makes me feel like, WHY DID I EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE! Guys consistently disappoint me and then my first instinct is to blame myself.
I'm only 23, I do NOT want to be bitter/cynical already!
The next day at work, he was coming on very strong and it freaked me out a bit. I have a tendency to push guys away when they are too into me. I guess someone who is confusing just intrigues me more. Anyways, that week he continued to call me consistently and was pretty obvious about his feelings. He was thoughtful and would surprise me with little things at my desk, such as a bagel for breakfast. By the end of the week, my feelings had grown and I was quite into him as well. We hung out on Thursday night after work and then spent the 4th of July together (saw fireworks together hehe).
However, things were different this week. It all started on Monday, when he broke our plans for what may have been a legitimate reason, however, I did not believe him. The way he told me, the way he didn't call that night, and the feeling I had in my gut, I just couldn't believe him but of course I did not say anything to him about it. I felt like he was being wishy washy, like he was interested but I felt like he was being lazy, like maybe the two weeks before was more of an act just to get me to fall for him. I began to feel by his actions and his words that maybe all he was after was sex. And I was not about to get myself into that kind of situation.
Yesterday, after he asked if I would be interested in fooling around in his car, which may have just been a joke but I was sick of those jokes, I needed to say something. Oh, and we have not fooled around at all yet and I thought I had been pretty clear that I am not like a casual hookup kind of girl. Anyways, I just got so bothered by it and I couldn't keep it in anymore. I said, "I think maybe all you want from me is sex." The way he handled it was horrendous. He was immature, insensitive, and defensive. His initial response was "I don't have time for your ridiculousness."
"Well, I don't think its ridiculous and you didn't even say I was wrong!"
"Don't have time.."
"Fine."
"If you want we can just stop talking.."
"Well, is all you want sex?"
"NO, why are you being weird"
"I'm not trying to be weird. I'm just saying that I know that I don't want a fuck buddy and if that is what you want or what you are looking for then I don't want to get myself into that situation."
He really made no attempt to try to reassure me that he was interested in getting to know me. Yes, he said "NO" when I asked if sex is all he wants but shoudn't he have had more to say about it? He acted like I was wrong for talking about what was bothering me. He reminded me of the way Kevin treated me. I know I should have ended that convo with I think we are done but I didn't. I actually have no idea where we stand but I guess it doesn't matter.
I'm just very disappointed, really. Here was a guy who I thought was my FRIEND. Who pursued me persistently and acted like he was really interested in ME. I thought he seemed very different from Kevin. I thought he seemed like someone who could be caring and thoughtful. But I don't think who he really is, lived up to my expectations. And its not that I have strong feelings for him or anything, but I am upset because it's ANOTHER disappointment. It makes me feel like, WHY DID I EVEN GIVE YOU A CHANCE! Guys consistently disappoint me and then my first instinct is to blame myself.
I'm only 23, I do NOT want to be bitter/cynical already!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
My Boys
I was suppose to go out tonight but I got tired of waiting for my friends and decided I'd rather continue watching the My Boys marathon on TBS and stay in. Let me just say, I freakin love this show. Maybe I find it so fascinating because I don't really have that many guy friends. I've always just had more girlfriends. Actually, correction, I do have guy friends but they are almost all gay, or at least very in touch with their feminine side. I guess I'm quite the girly girl. I love my pop culture gossip, chick lit, chick flicks, manicures and shopping. Haha, see with a list like that I guess its obvious why I get along better with females and the gays. However, I also enjoy sporting events (however, I can't handle full out sports debate), mosh pits, playing tennis, working out... I mean, its not like I can't relate to guys at all. Its just usually if I find a guy I connect with it turns out to be romantic but anyways...
I have a date tomorrow with the guy from work, Meatball. Here's why I am so cautious of this situation. He dated a girl for 6 months, got engaged, they lived together for about 4 months and now they are done. And I mean it ended very recently, within the last month. This is red flag #1. Next, we work very closely together. It's not like we are in different departments, we interact on a daily basis. So, if the shit hits the fan (which with my track record is what will most likely happen) then it could make for a very awkward work situation. However, it is just one date and he just asked me so cutely. AND he wanted to cook me dinner. Oh, AND he makes me laugh... so I felt like I had to at least go and see what happens. I'm nervous.. but also excited.
I have a date tomorrow with the guy from work, Meatball. Here's why I am so cautious of this situation. He dated a girl for 6 months, got engaged, they lived together for about 4 months and now they are done. And I mean it ended very recently, within the last month. This is red flag #1. Next, we work very closely together. It's not like we are in different departments, we interact on a daily basis. So, if the shit hits the fan (which with my track record is what will most likely happen) then it could make for a very awkward work situation. However, it is just one date and he just asked me so cutely. AND he wanted to cook me dinner. Oh, AND he makes me laugh... so I felt like I had to at least go and see what happens. I'm nervous.. but also excited.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Workin It at Work
I think I may have found a new addiction- working out. Seriously, I feel like I'm on a high when I get back from the gym. I mean, I always remembered Elle saying in Legally Blonde, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't. " Well, Elle, you are a very wise girl. I took my first kickboxing class tonight. It was fun and a great workout. It took me a few minutes for my coordination to kick in but I got the hang of it and I'll be going again.
Speaking of working out, me and B came up with a fabulous idea at work today. We are going to come up with a whole workout that can be done while we are bored sitting in our cubes (yes, this is how we spend our days). Actually, we spent more time laughing about how we were going to make a DVD called "Workin it at Work" and record an infomercial. And how we would have them reconstruct our cube. Well, we don't quite know all the exercises that will be included but of course abs, butt, arms, legs, and we figured we should throw in the kegal exercises too. ;)
Other than that, PP did NOT text me again, thankfully. He must have come to his senses.
In other boy news, there is some flirtation going on with a guy at work.. however, the situation is quite complicated. I will save the explanation for another night.
Oh wait, one more random thought of the day. Are there any So You Think You Can Dance Fans out there?? I have to say, I LOVED Chelsie and Mark's "Bleeding Love" dance. I love when I can feel the emotion pouring out of dancers bodies. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovjAuBuepVA
And if you want, check out my favorite dance from last season here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEguAROS4tw
Let me know if your a fellow fan of the show!
Speaking of working out, me and B came up with a fabulous idea at work today. We are going to come up with a whole workout that can be done while we are bored sitting in our cubes (yes, this is how we spend our days). Actually, we spent more time laughing about how we were going to make a DVD called "Workin it at Work" and record an infomercial. And how we would have them reconstruct our cube. Well, we don't quite know all the exercises that will be included but of course abs, butt, arms, legs, and we figured we should throw in the kegal exercises too. ;)
Other than that, PP did NOT text me again, thankfully. He must have come to his senses.
In other boy news, there is some flirtation going on with a guy at work.. however, the situation is quite complicated. I will save the explanation for another night.
Oh wait, one more random thought of the day. Are there any So You Think You Can Dance Fans out there?? I have to say, I LOVED Chelsie and Mark's "Bleeding Love" dance. I love when I can feel the emotion pouring out of dancers bodies. Check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovjAuBuepVA
And if you want, check out my favorite dance from last season here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEguAROS4tw
Let me know if your a fellow fan of the show!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Some Big Cahones
I dated this guy brieftly a couple years ago... let's call him Peter Pan (cuz he surely isn't growing up anytime soon) Okay now, PP ended up pursuing me only to realize that he was in love with one of my friends. Nice, right? Just another little snippet of why I am so cynical at the ripe age of 23. Anyways, we were friends for awhile and then eventually just grew apart. I've talked to him maybe a handful of times in the last two years. So imagine my surprise when I get a text from him at 12:30am on Sunday night:
"What are you doing?" such a casual message, as if we talk all the time..
"um, hi stranger.. just in bed you?"
"Bored.. how you been?"
We catch up for a few minutes and then he drops this on me..
"So, how about you send me a pic." somehow I don't think he's talking about my face..
"Uh.. how about I don't.. are you crazy?" no really, he must be crazy
"Come on.. it would be fun.."
"Ha, fun for who? Don't you have some pics of your g/f you can look at?"
"No... so come on, just do it." Liar
"Seriously, you MUST be smoking crack if you think I would do that"
"Why not?"
"Those kind of pics are reserved for boyfriends, so unfortunately, you do not qualify.. better luck next time."
"Whatever."
"Seriously, don't you know some stupid girls who would actually do that for you?"
"Yes, and they already did but I deleted them."
"Classy."
"What's the problem, it's nothing I haven't seen before." ha please don't remind me, done responding now.
This kid could never be a lawyer, huh? The best part.. he tried again the next two nights. PP's got some big cahones if you ask me. To make such a request when we don't even talk anymore, we are not really friends anymore, he has a G/F... and the list goes on.
"What are you doing?" such a casual message, as if we talk all the time..
"um, hi stranger.. just in bed you?"
"Bored.. how you been?"
We catch up for a few minutes and then he drops this on me..
"So, how about you send me a pic." somehow I don't think he's talking about my face..
"Uh.. how about I don't.. are you crazy?" no really, he must be crazy
"Come on.. it would be fun.."
"Ha, fun for who? Don't you have some pics of your g/f you can look at?"
"No... so come on, just do it." Liar
"Seriously, you MUST be smoking crack if you think I would do that"
"Why not?"
"Those kind of pics are reserved for boyfriends, so unfortunately, you do not qualify.. better luck next time."
"Whatever."
"Seriously, don't you know some stupid girls who would actually do that for you?"
"Yes, and they already did but I deleted them."
"Classy."
"What's the problem, it's nothing I haven't seen before." ha please don't remind me, done responding now.
This kid could never be a lawyer, huh? The best part.. he tried again the next two nights. PP's got some big cahones if you ask me. To make such a request when we don't even talk anymore, we are not really friends anymore, he has a G/F... and the list goes on.
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